Newsletter from Dr. Ray Levy
Well after several missteps we finally worked out some of the bugs and pitfalls from the first newsletter. I want to thank everyone for their patience. I also have a new web hosting service; so if you do not want to be on this mailing list or get further newsletters, please click below. Of course, if you want to continue getting this newsletter you need to do nothing, and if you know of someone who would like to subscribe, please forward this to them. Any new subscriber will have to go to my website, www.DrRayLevy.com and opt in. This is to prevent anyone from receiving the newsletter accidentally and also so it does not get blocked or filtered as spam.
Tip of the month: IQ vs. EQ
"What is his problem? Why doesn’t he get it? He is so bright and such a good reader but he acts so immature. Is he doing this on purpose?" I hear this question in some form or another at least once a week. Parents and teachers are baffled that the kids I see can have such high IQ scores and yet behave so poorly. The assumption is that academic abilities and social/emotional intelligence is one and the same. Yes, it is true that there is an overlap between intellectual abilities and emotional intelligence, but it isn’t as much as an overlap as we would presume. We all know of people who didn’t do well in school but have a lot of "street smarts." There are many famous people who never even completed college; John Wayne, William Taft, Bill Gates, Walter Cronkite, Ted Turner, Peter Jennings, to name a few. We would like to see IQ and EQ (emotional quotient) more connected than it is, but that wish misleads many parents. Getting a better education or achieving more in school does not guarantee happiness or future success. In fact, several research studies point to the connectedness that a child has with his parents, teachers, and peers as having more influence over his/her overall outcome. Stressing emotional intelligence should be the priority with many of these strong-willed and explosive kids, instead of school performance solely. Many kids have the ability to interpret social situations and intuitively know how to navigate them. However, kids with ADHD, Asperger’s syndrome, anxiety, depression, and a host of other disorders and problems often don’t instinctively pick up those cues. Lecturing them about what they "should have done" frequently falls on deaf ears. What works
What usually works better is to first understand that your child is not misbehaving on purpose or due to lack of intelligence, but rather due to lack of skill. This is not to say that children never misbehave on purpose, only to say that the majority of time it is due to a lack of skills rather than malicious intent. The second step is to have your child practice the desired behaviors repeatedly. This is known as a "Practice Academy." For instance, if you son doesn't greet another adult appropriately, for example, doesn't shake hands or look them in the eye, then having them practice that greeting with you over and over again is the best way to improve their social understanding. This repetition of behavior, while boring and frustrating for your child, is one way to improve their emotional intelligence.So understanding your child/adolescent and their deficits is clearly the first step. Next, helping your child with difficult situations by having them repetitively behave appropriately is more effective than lecturing or even modeling.
New CD finally out
The long awaited CD's on the Practice Academy have finally come out and are available for sale by calling Melanie at (972) 407-1191. Both CD's will be available for sale on the website in approximately 2 weeks, www.effectivebehaviorsolutions. One CD is designed for parents and the other one is designed specifically for teachers. In this easy listening format, Kelly Smith and I talk about what the Practice Academies are, how to do them, and give plenty of examples. Each CD is approximately an hour long and can be easily listened to while going to work or carting the kids around to their various activities. I’m presently working on the next audio CD on ADHD. I’ll keep you posted. Upcoming newslettersIt is my intention to produce this newsletter monthly. I plan to either write about a certain subject and/or provide a free handout to parenting or teaching these strong-willed kids. What I'd like to ask is if there is a subject matter that you would like me to talk about or give a handout on, please write in and let me know. We are hoping to make this newsletter as informative and helpful as possible, and our website as interactive as possible.
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