Is it ADHD or is it behavior?

Welcome to another edition of the newsletter. Again, I am taking an excerpt out of my recent book venture. At the end of this newsletter is an announcement of a half-day workshop in January that I am doing in collaboration with the ADD association in Texas, ADDA-SR. They are offering this workshop to parents, teachers and professionals at a greatly reduced price with some scholarships available. If you know of someone who can benefit from this workshop please pass this newsletter on.

What part is misbehavior and what is ADHD?

I was showing a mother how to do a technique called a Hold Down and using her son, 10-year-old Jack to demonstrate. His mother was the one doing the hold down with Jack. I asked Jack to sit quietly in mom’s lap while I explained to mom the technique. Jack, thinking it was a game, started struggling. “Hold on Jack,” I commanded, and Jack stopped temporarily. Within 30 seconds, Jack was struggling against mom. “Jack!” I stated more sternly, “do not struggle.” Again, I went on with my instructions to his mother, and again, Jack began struggling against my command.

“Enough Jack, go sit in time out,” I said, fed up with his noncompliance.

I then turned to his parents to ask what their interpretation of what just happened. His father replied that he didn’t think that Jack was clear about the instructions or what was expected of him. Accordingly, he felt Jack saw it as a wrestling match. After a few minutes in time out, I again instructed Jack to sit quietly in mother’s lap while I instructed her. This time he did.

Later in the session, his mother asked me if his behavior was due to ADHD or was it just general misbehavior. Parents often ask this question and in the meantime paralyze themselves in their search for the answer. The answer is not a clear percentage of ADHD vs. misbehavior, or clear at all. Jack, for instance, wasn’t paying attention to my request and misbehaved as a result. After time out, he was more focused since he didn’t like the consequences of his not listening. Was it ADHD or misbehavior? My answer is: does it matter?

Kids with ADHD will definitely have a harder time focusing and accordingly more likely not follow directions. Did Jack act this way on purpose? Yes, his behavior was purposeful and he did this on his own volition. Did Jack act this way maliciously? No, I don’t think that Jack was doing this to annoy me or anyone else in the room. However, that doesn’t mean that he should not get a consequence for his lack of compliance. The fact of the matter is that he did not do as asked, regardless of the motivation behind his behavior.

Parents will often try to discern what percentage or part of their child’s behavior is due to their condition or diagnosis. They think that if misbehavior is related to their child’s diagnosis then he/she cannot help it and shouldn’t get a consequence. When unsure, parents often err on the side of conservatism and forgo the consequence for a good lecture instead. What I often explain to parents is that medication is a help and will knock off the rough edges or make it easier for a child/adolescent to behave, but it won’t make the child/adolescent behave, or use good judgment. That is where the parent or teacher comes in to help mold that behavior and decision-making. Misbehavior is rarely malicious, although we often attribute that motivation to it. Misbehavior is really a message that the child needs to learn a skill or needs some form of help. So it doesn’t matter if the problem is misbehavior or due to a condition like ADHD, we still need to teach that child the skills they need to make it in this world.

Workshop Announcement

The ADDA-SR (ADD Association- Southern Region) is sponsoring a Saturday morning workshop on January 29, 2005 at Christ United Methodist Church in Plano, TX. This workshop, titled Successfully Managing Strong-willed and Defiant Child and Teens is open to the public. You can register on their website at www.ADDA-SR.org or by calling 281-897-0982.

Keep your emails coming. As requested, I’m working on a version of the newsletter that can be easily printed.