Welcome to the January newsletter

Quick announcement:
The ADDA-SR (ADD Association- Southern Region) is sponsoring a talk on Saturday morning, January 29, from 8:30-12:15, Successfully Managing Strong-Willed and Defiant Children and Teens. You can register for this low cost workshop by either going to my website www.DrRayLevy.com or to www.ADDA-SR.org. There are also some scholarships available if they are not already taken. I strongly recommend this workshop and this agency in general. ADDA-SR has done an impressive job in Texas in helping parents and teachers by bringing them valuable information and offering support groups. ADDA-SR is a non-profit organization that runs mainly on the kindness of volunteers and extremely low paid staff. It is organizations like this that provide enormous aid to families and individuals in our community.

Revised Handout on Reinforcing Small Changes

Since I have been writing about building relationships and noticing small changes, below is an updated copy of Reinforcing Small Changes. Feel free to copy and paste “as is”.

Reinforcing Small Changes

Sometimes parents expect their children to stop misbehaving all at once. Most children/adolescents learn these new skills a step at a time. We need to pay closer attention to the specific, concrete evidence that their behavior is improving, even in small ways. By doing so, we help our kids build these important skills as they move toward better behaviors.

Another way to look at this is to notice those times that although your child is still misbehaving, it isn't as bad or doesn't go on as long as it has previously. Stated differently, this is "Reinforcing-Misbehavior-That-Wasn't-So-Bad."

1. Focus on one specific misbehavior that you want to change.
e.g. not getting dressed on time in the morning,
-or-
hitting little brother.

2. Describe the behavior you would like to see your child do instead.
This must be an active description of the behavior you want, not an exclusion of a behavior; such as, "not hitting anymore." ("Not hitting" is what he won't be doing.) What do you want your child to be doing instead?
e.g. sharing with his brother
-or-
getting dressed for school on time in the morning.

3. Think of what might be the smallest sign of change:This can be the toughest step.
a. Imagine how your child is at his/her worst.
b. Ask yourself, “What would be the slightest improvement from his/her worst behavior?”
e.g. putting on one piece of clothing in the morning without you nagging him.
-or-
playing quietly with his brother for 2 minutes.

4. Look for that smallest sign of change, even if he/she has shown it in the past. Just observe and note that slight improvement in your child’s behavior, no matter how minor it is.

5. At a later time, tell your child that you noticed this slight improvement.
e.g. In the car on the way to school, you say to your child, “You know, this morning, you had your underwear and socks on without me reminding you.”
-or-
“At breakfast, your little brother was trying to annoy you and you didn't yell back at him immediately. I can see that you were trying to use self-control.”

This can be stated up to one day after you observed the better behavior. It is best not to state it when your child is engaging in the misbehavior since they are expecting to hear just criticism.

6. Record your child's positive changes in a journal so you can keep track of progress and not get discouraged yourself.
© 2004 Ray Levy, Ph.D. & Assoc.

Other Talks

I will also be giving a free evening talk in Mesquite on Tuesday January 25th. Please contact Kelly Smith at, KESmith@mesquiteisd.org for more information. This talk will also be listed on my website soon.

Hope everyone had a great holiday.