If I could just figure out what he is thinking?

Welcome to the June edition of the newsletter. As always, if you do not want to receive this letter, please go to the link at the bottom of the page. Likewise, if you know someone who would like to receive it, please forward it to him or her. So this newsletter doesn't get blocked as spam, the sign-up process is a bit lengthy.

Due to popular demand, I'm continuing with the "what's he thinking?" chapter. There will be no newsletter in July (taking a vacation) but will start up again in August.

I'm still working diligently on the new book and the workbook for teachers. Hopefully, the workbook will be out by the end of summer or end of September.

Everyone's comments are very much appreciated. I've gotten some great feedback from you all on what you like and what you would like to hear about. Please remember that I cannot answer questions about specific cases. The Texas State Board of Psychologists strictly forbids giving advice or therapy over the internet to patients I've never seen. So sorry, but I can't help in that department.

Jamie: the epitome of arrogance and entitlement

Yes, believe it or not, we are spoiling our children more now than in any other era of our nation. The baby boomers are doing more of a disservice for their children than a service (and yes, I am a baby boomer too). In our attempt to give our children every opportunity and advantage that we can afford, we go overboard and indulge them, creating bigger problems.

Jamie, age 14, was such adolescent who had everything provided to him for the purpose of promoting his intelligence and self-esteem. His parents also lived under the fallacy that he should hear only positive things about himself; otherwise it would destroy his spirit. As a result, Jamie was convinced that he was the head of the household and got to call the shots. If something was not going his way, or how he perceived it should go, he would punish the entire family with his complaining and incessant arguing. His parents complained that he acted like he was an adult yet they hadn’t recognized that they had created this power monster.

In one session we were talking about a recent argument that he had had with his mother. His mother had demanded that he show her his homework since the school had called and informed her that Jamie had some missing assignments.

Jamie: “ She told me to get my assignment planner and said it in a rude voice!”
Levy: “ So what was the problem?”
Jamie: “She can’t talk to me that way. Who does she think she is?”
Levy: “The problem Jamie is she can talk to you that way!"

Jamie’s entitled attitude was not only obnoxious at home but now spilling over to school. He considered himself an equal to adults, not because that was his disposition and personality as was Keith (last month's newsletter) but because his parents have trained him into that role. His parents did this unwittingly because they thought this was the path to making a "free spirited" child who would excel and get into an ivy league college. Believe it or not, this parenting approach is prevalent in the US.

So why is Jamie so strong-willed and argumentative? He was inadvertently trained and molded to be like that. Here is a case where environment was the complete factor in determining defiant behavior.